Paid $1,000 to cry for 45 minutes? Why some therapists treat people this way

Recently we came across an essay by the well-known Hong Kong writer Su Hei (Black So Black), titled Why Do They Treat People Like This? It tells the story of one of her students and her own experiences seeking help. We strongly agree with her — because among the clients we meet, so many carry similar scars.

💔 Three times she reached out, three times she was let down

Su Hei describes how her student, grieving the loss of her husband, found her friends had grown tired of her constant sadness and stopped reaching out. She had no choice but to turn to counselling services. Here is what happened:

• The first time: a 45-minute session. When it ended, the therapist looked at the clock and said, "If you'd like to talk for 30 more minutes, you can pay outside and come back." She felt wronged and left.
• The second time: the therapist said she was leaving the job, and told her, "If you want to continue, you'll need to tell your whole story again to my colleague." She finally asked —

"I pay you a thousand dollars each time, you just let me cry, and you give me no advice. What kind of therapy is this?"

The therapist replied: "It's because you have no friends to listen to you cry."

That line sounds like a fact, but it is actually the most hurtful thing to say — it reduces a person's pain to "you just don't have friends."

• The third time: she went to a hypnotist, who only tried to persuade her to enrol in a course to become a hypnotist herself. When she asked how the hypnosis worked, he said, "In our conversation just now, I already hypnotised you." She was stunned — it felt like a scam.
• Another therapist, when she said she couldn't handle the tedious funeral and probate matters and needed help, simply said: "Then just don't deal with it."

Her conclusion:

"At the time I needed help most, no therapist could give me practical advice and solutions. It made everything worse."

🏥 Not even able to talk to an elderly person

Su Hei also described taking her mother to see a government-arranged psychologist to work through grief that had lingered for years. The psychologist spoke so softly that Su Hei's mother, who has poor hearing, couldn't follow. When Su Hei politely asked, "Could you sit closer and speak a little louder?", the psychologist stiffly stood up, seemingly unable to adjust her voice or avoid jargon when speaking to an elderly person.

Su Hei explained her mother's situation in detail and asked if there were any suggestions for improvement. After hesitating for five seconds, the psychologist said: "There's no way."

🌟 But there are still many wonderful healers

Su Hei is fair — she has met many good healers: public hospital doctors who see fifty-six patients a morning with no time even for the toilet, yet remain attentive; dedicated private doctors and volunteer Chinese medicine practitioners who understand a patient's suffering and offer psychological care alongside the physical.

This contrast is the most heartbreaking part: in the same helping profession, some people are willing to give many times more love, while others won't even look their patient in the eye.

🧭 Why do they treat people like this?

That is Su Hei's soul-searching question — and it's one we keep asking too.

Our view is this: when "helping" becomes a job of "sit for 45 minutes, collect the money, next please"; when the therapist sees not a person but a series of time slots and a monthly income, this is what happens.

That line — "it's because you have no friends to listen to you cry" — exposes the core of the problem. Some helpers have separated "listening" from "helping". They believe their job is to listen, not to help you solve the problem.

But a person who comes to you at their lowest point doesn't only need someone to listen. They need someone to truly stand on their side and offer practical direction.

💛 Why holistic coaching is different

At Holistic Coach HK, our approach starts precisely from these "bad experiences" — and does it the right way:

• We give practical guidance, not just a listening ear: we teach clients "models and systems" — a method you can apply to every situation — rather than "sit, chat, and collect the fee when the time is up". You leave with actual direction and tools.
• We don't label you, and we don't treat you as "broken": you are not a patient with a problem to fix, but a person in need of a companion. We won't tell you to "just ignore it" — we walk through it with you, piece by piece.
• We build a genuine connection, not a watch on the clock: the heart of healing is not technique but relationship. Research has long shown that the therapeutic relationship is the strongest predictor of outcome (Wampold, 2015; Norcross & Lambert, 2018).

Real healing is not "having someone listen to you cry" — it is giving practical direction while genuinely standing by your side.

🌱 Closing

Su Hei says she is determined to be a "useful healer" — precisely because she had too many terrible experiences as a patient and as a caregiver.

We strongly agree. These stories remind us that what matters most in the helping profession is not the certificate, but a heart that genuinely wants to help.

On your own journey of seeking help, have you ever been let down like this? Or have you met a healer you were truly grateful for?

📌 Source

This article's viewpoint is drawn from Hong Kong writer Su Hei (Black So Black)'s essay Why Do They Treat People Like This?, which we strongly agree with and have quoted and adapted. Original: Su Hei / Black So Black