Why Do High-Achieving Children Want to Leave? — Taught Perfection, Not Wholeness

Within two weeks of the new school year, Hong Kong recorded at least seven cases of student suicide and attempted suicide, four students passed away, and the youngest was just ten years old — the highest for the same period in five years. Over the past three years, there have been ninety-one student suicides, ninety per cent of them secondary school students.

Every time this happens, society asks "what went wrong". But there is one question rarely asked: we have been teaching children to chase perfection, yet we have never taught them — how to accept an imperfect self.

Perfection is a goal you can never reach

Research finds that perfectionism in young people has been steadily rising — not only holding extremely high standards for themselves, but also believing "others hold extremely high standards for me that I can never meet".

When a child believes "I must be perfect to deserve love", every slip is no longer "I got one question wrong" but "I am a failure as a person". This is what Carl Jung meant: "I'd rather be whole than good." Chasing perfection is endlessly rejecting our own "shadow"; wholeness is accepting ourselves back — flaws, failures and weaknesses included.

Pain is a signal, not an enemy to destroy

Holistic Psychology does not split emotions into "good" and "bad". Pain, low mood, wanting to run away — these are all signals telling us that "something has exceeded what this child can carry". The question is not "why is he so fragile" but "how much has this environment piled onto him".

The blind men and the elephant: no one sees the whole child

In an old Indian parable, blind men touch an elephant — the one touching the leg says it is a pillar, the ear a fan, the trunk a rope — each believing the part they touched is the whole.

On one child, the teacher sees "grades", the parent sees "expectations", classmates see a "halo", and others may see "not trying hard enough". But no one truly sees all of him — his loneliness, his exhaustion, his fear.

Holistic Psychology holds that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. A child's suffering is never simply "his personal problem" — it is academic competition, family expectations, peer comparison and school ranking, all stacking up as one system.

What we can do

From today, when you see a "high-achieving" child, try not to only praise their results. Ask one more question: "Are you okay lately?" Let them know they do not need to be perfect to be loved and accepted.

If you or someone around you is struggling, please reach out:
The Samaritans (HK) 24-hour hotline: 2896 0000
Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline: 2382 0000
Social Welfare Department 24-hour hotline: 2343 2255