A Life Is More Than a "Transition Period"

September is back-to-school season. For some families, it is a season of grief no one else can see. In just two weeks, Hong Kong saw a string of student deaths — the youngest, only ten years old.

Facing this wave of tragedy, Secretary for Education Choi Yuk-lin attributed part of the cause to the "back-to-school adjustment period." Her remark was quickly met with objection from experts including Professor Paul Yip, Director of the HKJC Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention at the University of Hong Kong, who stressed that the causes are multiple and complex, and cannot be reduced to a single explanation.

What I want to talk about today is not who is right or wrong, but a more fundamental question: when we rush to find a single explanation for a life's suffering, are we in fact hurting the person?

🕯️ "Adjustment period" cannot hold a child's pain

Let us start with the facts. Within two weeks of the new school year this September, Hong Kong recorded at least eight cases of student suicide and attempted suicide, four of them fatal, the youngest just ten years old. That is the highest for the same period in five years.

Professor Paul Yip has pointed out that 75% of these cases showed no prior warning signs, and the farewell notes reflected a loss of hope for the future.

"Adjustment period" was meant to be reassuring — school takes some getting used to, it will soon be fine. But when it is used to explain one life after another slipping away, reassurance turns into indifference.

🌱 A child never reaches this point for one single reason

Holistic psychology holds one core belief: the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

A student's pain is never just "academic pressure" or "adjustment problems." It is the interweaving of the body (poor sleep, stomachaches), the environment (a changing campus), relationships (rebuilding social ties), and family expectations.

When we rush to reduce this complex pain into a single phrase, we are, in effect, refusing to see the whole child.

🤝 The focus must shift from "me" to "we"

Instead of asking "what is wrong with this child?", ask: "has our community — family, school, neighbourhood — given this child a sense of belonging and safety?"

Psychological research has long been clear: the need to belong is one of the most fundamental human motivations. In their classic 1995 paper, Baumeister and Leary showed that forming and maintaining stable relationships is as basic a human need as eating and drinking.

The interpersonal theory of suicide goes further: the desire to leave this world is often driven by two pains appearing together — "thwarted belongingness" (I do not belong anywhere) and "perceived burdensomeness" (I am a burden to others).

What this research tells us is exactly this: what a child lacks is not personal "resilience," but a community that will catch them when they fall.

🏷️ Not labelling is the first step to listening

"Adjustment period," "too sensitive," "dramatic" — these labels carry no malice, yet they are precisely what silences a child.

When adults rush to "judge" a child with a label, they lose the courage to truly "listen" to the child. And a child who no longer dares to speak is the one most at risk.

⚖️ Why traditional Western psychology struggles here

This is not to dismiss traditional Western psychology. It has contributed enormously to validating mechanisms and diagnosing illness. But in front of a child who cannot wait, it has several structural limits:

• Too slow: traditional psychoanalysis focuses on the individual's inner world and can take years to show effect (Freud's cases ran as long as a decade). A child in pain cannot wait ten years.
• Too fond of classification: it rushes to label a child with a diagnosis like "adjustment disorder," overlooking the environment the child lives in.
• Too individual-focused: it treats "resilience" as a personal skill to be trained, missing the real remedy — a sense of belonging.

❤️ What we can do is not "teach them to save themselves"

Let me be clear: I will not teach you "how to save yourself" here. Because a person in the middle of pain does not need a method — they need someone willing to stand beside them.

If you are a parent: tonight, when you talk with your child, try not to rush to correct, not to rush to advise. Just listen. Your presence is itself a form of support.

If you are a teacher or a friend: a simple "I am here," one genuine act of listening, can matter more than any advice.

If you are the one in pain: you are not a burden. Reach out to someone you trust, or make a call. The hotlines below are willing to listen.

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress, please reach out:

情緒通 18111 · The Samaritans 2896 0000 · Suicide Prevention Services 2382 0000 · Caritas Crisis Line 18288

Holistic psychology believes no child should have to carry it alone. When family, school, and community step forward together, pain finds an outlet. To learn how holistic psychology can support your family or young people, you are welcome to book a consultation — we are willing to walk with you.